blogging with more regularity.
in case just 1 day.
i suddenly would to suffer from dementia.
all these will be useful somehow.


well, its real cliche.
but time passes by real fast.
esp when you are enjoying it.
the goals that ive set out for.
have i really achieved them?


i want to understand you more.
to be able to feel you real close.
to be able to carry those burdens.
that you so want to get rid of.


question is.
would you let me enter?
ive finally cleared the dust off the blog.
and with that, comes an entry that i feel, more than anything, will shaped my actions/words for at the very least the next 6 mths

have i try too hard?
to get to what i want?
am i being my true self?

well, i dare say that i am being true to myself.
but after some self-reflection, i realized sth.
they will eventually just treat me as a good friend.
nothing more.
i want to be that sth else to her.
but it never seems to be the case.

am i too darn cui?
in terms of looks?
in terms of financial ability?
in terms of charisma?

well. i would like to think so, at times.
it used to be worse during those 2 years.


what can i do.
to make you want to know me more?











am i feeling emo again?
goodbye to my grandfather.
perhaps the gap was too big.
someone i dun really have a true understanding of.
except of the things he did.

perhaps the moment of reflection is here once again.
Everything starts from here.
Once Again.

with renewed passion.
with renewed vigour.
with renewed mentality.
with renewed mindset.

over the past 8+ months.
what i once thought would be something exciting at the end of the tunnel.
turns out to be an illusion.
not exactly what i had imagined it to be.

Once Again.
I have to learn things the hard way.
for me to have to go through this process of thought once again.
its time to do quite a number of things.
and i know its not too late to set issues straight.

-spend more time with God.
-spend more time with people that actually MATTERS to me.
-stop trying so hard.
-and letting things the way they are.

soon.2009 will pass by.
and how do i want it to conclude by?



















not letting myself down.
every monday.
when i wake up to head to work.
i would ask myself this question.
how many more Mondays do i need to go through, before I can study instead of work?

i honestly hope that it will end sooner rather than later.
im really tired.
of waking up on Mondays
and have that feeling of work X5.















could i have the feeling of embracing you?
just once more.
updates.

-finally gotten my lomo!!!! fishing starts saturday.
-pay has finally arrived. tho cpf is really a bummer, but its nt gna put dents into the pursuit of project DSM.
-plans are in place, now's a matter of which 1 to prioritize.








anyway.
thought abt things real hard.
its time to make a significant difference into my life.
its time where people would no longer treat me like any other ordinary human being.
whose sole purpose is to try and survive another day among the rat pack.
where people would no longer NOT know me.

i want to be recognized.
i want to be known.
i have so much to offer.
but yet no 1 really knows.
no1 really gives a damn abt me so far.



but that WILL change.
im very sure abt that.


gone wld be the days.
where my presence wld nt be felt.
gone wld be the days.
where my voice will be squeaky and tiny.



theoldmeisdeadandgoneandthenewmewillbeallright.
in fact, more than just all right.


work was surprisingly good today.
hopefully it will get better.
and that its not a false dawn.




anyway.
all i wanted.
all i had hoped for.
is diminishing day by day.
some1 to hold.
some1 to protect.
some1 to shower my love to.
some1 to be there for me when i need a soothing presence.
is that hard to ask for?

im not asking for something
that stops traffic.
that takes pple's breathe away.

is nt that hard right?
but.it takes time.
really.
hopefully it wont take that long.