3 more weeks to 2010.
a decade lived out.
what the next 1 going to be like?




i need to start to put the plans into place.
i need to make the moves real soon.
but firstly,
i need to be patient.
the timing is essential.
my internet connection's pretty screwed up.and i have no idea why.


after reading people's blogs.
after hearing comments from pple close.
i have quite conflicting thoughts.


am i doing too much for people that prolly dun give a fuck (i so have to use that word) about me?
or actually they do appreciate?
just that they dont show it the way i wld prefer them to?


am i thinking too much about certain pple that prolly consider me as their option, even when i consider them as one of my priorities?
or am i simply having too much priorities?


should i simply care more about myself? and simply dont give a damn about what everyone else is doing?
but that wont be being me.


i want to be appreciated for what i do.
not to be taken for granted.
is that too much to ask?







imnot o-fucking-kay.
i still cant believe that i actually finished the marathon.
there were no doubt times that i wanted to give up.
both my legs cramped up.
and the heat was so unbearable towards the end.
but, eventually, I still had a photo finish in the end.


throughout the marathon, it made me think alot.
i managed to blitz through the first 12k.
then was kinda running/jogging/walking for the next 9km.
it made me think abt the possibilites that i could have in the future.
be it relational, or issues with regards to my education.
i was thinking abt the possibilites for alot of things.


then, the next 21km, which was mostly walking/limping/jogging.
it made me think abt my past.
esp the stretch that me and her went tgt for cycling once.
it made me think abt the happy moments that we cherished there and then.
it was only then, that i realized, that those moments are unlikely to happen with her anymore.
that after so long, i have finally managed to put it all down.
and to let it all go.




well, it is deinitely sth that i will rmb for the rest of my life.
this post is dedicated to her and the usual gang.




its been a long while.
ever since such feelings surfaced.
ever since such joyous moments were felt.


though im nowhere close to a victory.
at the very least i had make the first few steps.
i hope that now, you can start to trust me.



my team won the food race.
thanks to everyone's efforts.
and the part where i was trying to be yaya papaya.
it was just for fun ah.hehe.



i might know how to get around places.
but there just seem to be 1 address.
where i have completely no idea of how to go to.
and that's your heart.




at the very least.
you have opened up that lil bit more to me.
i dunno whether its just be reading wrongly.
but i wld rather take the risk.
gambled on it.
then to watch you leave my life.




it kinda hurts.
to see you nearly tearing.
how i wish.
that i wld be the one to alleviate your pain.




a shoutout to the 2 of you.
thx for e dinners,the convos.
and for listening.
if anything happens, i will let u 2 noe :)
and congrats on being ********











ipromisenottomakeyoucry.
i have pretty much nothing to do already. so here i am.
pretty weird, maybe ironic, that im sleeping early, tho im nt working tml.



seeing you makes it feel that little better.
im sure you have absolutely no idea of that.
and i would like to keep things that way currently.













ihopeicanbethetickettoyourhappiness.
how would i end this year?
with a bang, or with a whimper?



questions that still remain unanswered.
moves that still remain untouched.
hearts that still remain unmoved.



how would i want to start the next year?
what's the point when the best you can offer up to the table are mere words?
if its me that you want things to be let known.
please just tell me.
please allow me the chance/opportunity to avoid such debating within my mind.
if its not possbile right from the start.
just let me know.


i wld rather it to be that way.
instead of the current scenario.
where my perceived way of you handling things.
is simply making things worse.


especially after what happened over the past few days.
i want to cherish the people that mattered to me even more.
but right now.
it seems as if
that you do not want me to include you inside that list.


so please tell me what to do.
i want to initiate.
but its not getting a reply from your side.
are you doing this on purpose?












dontletitdragmuchlonger.